Dead pets and vet parents

Huisdieren noemen we niet zo omdat ze behoren tot onze huisraad, wél omdat ze mee een thuis maken. Met onze ‘trouwste metgezellen’ delen we lief en leed, we koesteren hen bij leven en dood. En dus ontwikkelen we ook afscheidsrituelen en gedenktekens voor hen – of dat doet althans de Frans-Amerikaanse artieste Estelle Saignes.

We had many pets growing up, both of our parents being veterinarians. It was like these averbal family members had at-home doctors, OBGYNs and undertakers. Our parents managed their medical needs, their reproductive systems and their bodies after they died.

Back in the 80s, vet students learned everything, from slaughterhouse meat quality evaluations to the placebo effect of having multiple litter boxes on the mental health of cats. Animals were people while they were alive, but once they died they were just bodies.

And so, with parents desensitized to death, who had grown up in a post-religious but still vaguely spiritual context, the way we managed our pets’ bodies after they died, and the way we remembered them was mostly normal.

Marshmallow – white rabbit

Was carried away by a buzzard while it was out in the garden. We were told he had gone to work for the Easter rabbit. The next Easter my brother hid a blue marble with the chocolate eggs and told me Marshmallow had left it for us as a sign that he was doing well.

Barry – black dog

My mother ran over the dog, who was dark and ran towards cars at night, an inevitable end. We laid him in an apple crate in the basement for a couple of days until we buried him in the yard under a big rock. I collected some of his fur, listed his many nicknames and kept his collar in an envelope.

Helios – orange cat

A very sweet and patient cat, found as if asleep, dead in my dresser. Middle-aged. Buried next to the dog.

? – tabby cat

Brought to be buried in our yard by my father’s cousin. A cat only seen alive in pictures. Like having a guest over.

Hugo – brown sausage dog

Passed away in his sleep after almost dying three times. A very nice dog, stealer of cheese. As with the others, he spent some time in the basement where we would caress and speak to him until we dug the hole, usually on the weekend. Our parents explained to us that this was just his body, and his spirit had gone somewhere else. We said a few words and covered the body with dirt and a rock.
The region we lived in was quite wet, as I remember almost every burial happening on a rainy day.

Belle – yellow pony

Belle had a form of diabetes that affected her ability to walk. While my father administered the intravenous drug for euthanasia I patted her and sang.

Smoky – fluffy brown cat

Having understood that my cat was to die of renal failure within 24 hours, I went home and held him.
When he died, we kept him in the freezer until I was ready to bury him. My mother told me that when their first dog died, Croquette, they kept her in the freezer until they were ready.
A few months later I buried him wrapped in my favorite sweater. I still have a pelt-like felted section of his back fur, from a summer when I did not brush him enough. It smells like him.

Omega – horse

My mother’s horse died suddenly from a stomach blockage, a common and jarring occurrence. Omega had been with us many years and given birth to a golden filly. When I learned that my mother kept a portion of her hair and of her skin, I was shocked, but I understood that this was a deeply personal way for her to remember. It’s still in the freezer. We could not bury her in the yard.

Amour – horse

Died around 33 years of age. Because it was a long weekend, the renderer could not pick up the horse until many days later. (Big animal corpses like horses are picked up and managed by licensed renderers who dispose of them.) It being an extremely hot summer, we were advised to cover him in straw and to avoid plastic tarps. My mother covered him in straw and flowers.

Amy – dog

Amy died at 14 and a half, quite old for a half-paralyzed, meningitis-beating, life-long medicated pug who wouldn’t have lived past 2 years old if not for science. She was happy and obsessed with food.
Her ashes are in a small box on my father’s desk.